魔教卧底每天都在露馅 / Evil Cult Undercover 02

Wahahaha, Banana did say will only post update after finished translating but this kinda funny so I wanna let y’all read it XD

I probably can’t get all of the funny points across to English but I still hope that you guys enjoy it~

– Banana

Chapter 2 : Did you get ‘done’ silly last night?


The next day, Lin Ran woke up and found out that the Founder is not beside him, so he happily stretched out and planned to continue his sleep. But then, the Founder suddenly pushed the door open and entered the room. A head of flowing long hair was tied up, and a thin layer of sweat could be seen on his face. He was holding a sword in his hand.

Lin Ran yawned : “Mornin.”

Founder glanced at him : “Lazy.”

Lin Ran : “Ah?”

Founder : I have already done my sword practice for half a sichen (1 hour1).

Lin Ran absentmindedly replied : “You are amazing.”

The Founder sincerely said : “一日之计在于晨/Early morning is the golden time of the day. Since you are awake, you should get up to study and practice martial arts. Don’t waste that good time of the day.”

Lin Ran was stunned for a moment before nodding like a chick pecking at rice : “I was wrong.”

This Founder of an Evil Cult who just went through bridal night2 yesterday, gets up early to practice sword. Then he scolded his delicate jadelike little 18th concubine just because he woke up late. This is too gerddamned weird.

It must be because he(F) couldn’t get ‘up’. Men who can’t get ‘up’ are more prone to madness. Long term desire couldn’t be vented out, so one could only wake up early to practice sword. Plus they would get envy, jealous and hatred when they saw that other people could get ‘up’. Because it’s inconvenient to say it out, they could only be petty and scold other people.

As Lin Ran keep thinking about it, he couldn’t help but sympathetically looked at the Founder. So young, but already wasted.

The Founder thoughtfully looked at Lin Ran, his expression suddenly darkened : “What are you thinking?”

Lin Ran seriously replied : “I am thinking that I should go to bed early and get up early.”

The Founder lightly smiled : “Change your clothes, then accompany me to the altar for a talk.”


When Lin Ran stepped out to the altar, he was completely stunned.

The design for this Evil Cult’s altar was an extreme dark style. At first glance, one could imagine it was designed by a chuunibyou3 young man who dreams to destroy the world all day long. The main color is black, all black. The wall was filled with red-painted word ‘Kill’. Strings of skulls from unknown animal were hung on the ceiling. A big plague was placed just above the Founder’s throne, with the word ‘我欲成魔/I desire to become demon’, very sick. It really let one feel like dragging the designer out and beat the crap out of him.

As the owner of this Evil Cult’s altar, His Royal Highness The Founder, sat on an exaggerating little prince’s throne, and started preaching to all his followers around thousands of people, very early in the morning…

Preaching about The Analects of Confucius.

The Founder sat upright and still on the throne : “Do not do to others what you do not wish others to do to you, do you understand?”

The followers expressed that they don’t understand.

The Founder patiently and diligently explained : “The meaning of this sentence is to say, the things that you don’t want to happen on yourself, don’t force it on others. You are not willing to get beaten, similarly other people is unwilling to get beaten as well. So, don’t go out and kill all day long, understand?”

The followers expressed that they will follow the Founder’s instruction. Long live to the Founder and may his good fortunes fill the sky.

The Founder nodded : “Good.”

After the Founder finished preaching, the head of each branch are responsible to count the number of good deeds the followers have done yesterday, then distribute little red flowers accordingly.
[Banana : It’s like a kindergarten reward system – https://goo.gl/images/3hMDRR]

Help grandmother to pick up chicken eggs : 1 flower
Helping lost children to return home : 2 flowers
Rescuing innocent girls from the bully’s house : 3 flowers

Everyone were feeling happy, the atmosphere was very harmonious.

Lin Ran sat beside the Founder, deeply doubting himself if he went to the wrong film set. How is this a Founder of an Evil Cult? This is obviously a Red Cross meeting.

The Founder meaningfully asked : “What are you thinking this time?”

Lin Ran : “Nothing.”

The Founder took a small thing out from his sleeve and handed it to Lin Ran : “I found it in the room this morning, did you dropped it?”

Lin Ran took it over to see what is it.

Liushan Sect’s waist pendant. Shixiong, you idiot.


Lin Ran was super calm : “Not mine, never seen it before.”

The Founder nodded : “Oh–”

The two of them entered a moment of scary silence. Lin Ran’s whole body of nerves were strung tight, and his heart has almost jumped to his throat; ready to take action any time.

The Founder suddenly suddenly turned his head to him : “What do you want to eat for breakfast?”

Lin Ran jumped up : “AH AH AH AH AH AH!”

The Founder held his forehead and silently laughed.

Lin Ran asked in disbelief : “… what did you said just now?”

The Founder lightly replied : “What do you want to eat for breakfast?”

Lin Ran’s feeling was heavy, he suspected that Founder is deliberately playing with him. He has no mood to eat anything : “Anything is fine.”

The Founded stood up : “That’s great, because breakfast has already been prepared. Let’s go.”

Lin Ran pitifully keep up : …

This Evil Cult’s Founder, not only his attitude is wrong, he is very black inside too.


After eating the most depressing breakfast in his(LR) life, the Founder went out to inspect each branches. Lin Ran breathed a sigh of relief, and went back to the bridal chamber yesterday. The moment he opened the door, he saw his Shixiong already waiting in the room.

The first sentence he said to Lin Ran was : “Did you see my waist pendant?”

Lin Ran really wanted to beat him to death : “In the Founder’s hand.”

Shixiong with a FML face : “What did he said?”

Lin Ran : “I said it was not mine. Then he asked me what I wanted to eat for breakfast.”

Shixiong thought for a moment : “This person is very shrewd.”

Lin Ran rolled his eyes : “You don’t say.”

Shixiong : “Come, report a bit to Shixiong, what did Ji Wuxie did today?”

Lin Ran thought for a moment, this name Ji Wuxie must the Founder. So he replied truthfully : “He got up early today and practiced his sword for an hour. Then he went to the altar and preached The Analects of Confucius to all of his followers. He even asked the head of each branches to record down the good deeds that they have done, then rewarded them with little red flower.”

After Shixiong finished listening to him, he looked up and down at Lin Ran : “Did you get ‘done’ silly yesterday night?”

Lin Ran wanted to beat him to death even more now : “F@#$ Y$%!”

Shixiong doubted : “He really did those?”

Lin Ran glared at him : “Really!”

Shixiong touched his own chin : “I understand, he found my dropped waist pendant and knew that our Liushan Sect is investigating him. That’s why he purposely did it to confuse us. It’s also the reason why he didn’t kill you. If he killed you, it means he is declaring war with Liushan Sect. Keeping you with him, and make you think that he hasn’t done anything bad, wouldn’t that be better?”

Lin Ran : “Sounds kind of reasonable.”

Shixiong : “Since he let you stay beside him, then continue playing stupid and look for opportunities to dig deeper.”

Lin Ran faintly asked : “Can I not do it?”

Shixiong : “No.”

Lin Ran was helpless : “Alright, but I can tell you this, he didn’t do anything last night. This uncle(LR) is still pure, he seemed to be unable to ‘get it up’.”

Shixiong sighed : “What cannot get it up? Before this, you were the one keep bothering him, wanting to get married to him. Ji Wuxie actually never like you at all.”

Lin Ran : “The fcuk? I didn’t get forcefully captured to this place?”

Shixiong snorted : “Why are you still acting stupid with me? Before this, in order to get him to marry you, you rolled me up with a broken mat. Then you knelt in front of his carriage saying you want to sell yourself to bury your father.”

Lin Ran insincerely laughed out loud : “HAHAHAHAHA.”

Shixiong disdained : “Ji Wuxie didn’t even look at you. He asked his subordinates to flip the mat open and glanced at me. Then he gave you a silver ingot to shoo you away.”

Lin Ran felt like he inexplicably suffered a blow : “This uncle sent himself up to his doorstep and he doesn’t want me?”

Shixiong tsk-ed : “Not really. You said one silver ingot is not enough, and said you want to marry him no matter what. Later on, he couldn’t bear it and took you in. You then happily followed behind his carriage.”

Lin Ran : “… how come your Liushan Sect has not close down yet? All the guards are idiots!”

The two of them chatted while paying attention to the movement outside the door. However at this moment, Ji Wuxie jumped in from the window; totally unexpected. Shixiong and Lin Ran were stunned speechless.


After Ji Wuxie jumped in, he briefly glanced at the two dumbfounded people. Then, as if nothing happened, he smiled at Lin Ran : “Husband forgot to take something, so I came back to take it.”

Lin Ran almost cry from fear : “Go, go ahead.”

Ji Wuxie calmly went to the drawer and pulled out a sword tassel. Putting it on his sword, he threw the old one back into the drawer : “Husband forgot to change sword tassel.”

Lin Ran used his remaining brain cells that have yet to get scared to death and came to a conclusion, Ji Wuxie did that on purpose.

Who would purposely return home just to change a sword tassel?! Who?!
Who would jumped through the window instead of using the door?! Who?!

However, Ji Wuxie who just changed his sword tassel has turned to leave, he has completely disregarded Shixiong. Lin Ran was about to breathe a sigh of relief when Ji Wuxie suddenly turned his head, and looked at Lin Ran with an inscrutable smile : “Old Eighteenth.”

Lin Ran hesitantly said : “Yes, Husband.”

The Founder with seemingly good mood : “Take some time to sweep your Father’s grave, and burn him some money.”

Lin Ran immediately sat up straight.

The Founder stared intently at Shixiong : “Your father has shown up in spirit.”

Lin Ran hung himself in his heart 800 times now, he used all his strength to force a bitter smile uglier than crying : “Alright, I will remember to burn the money…”

Founder : “Your father’s spiritual power is really strong, he looked exactly like the living.”

Lin Ran felt like he’s going to faint : “Ah ha ha ha ha really? How come I cannot see…”

Founder faintly added : “Your father is really young.”

Lin Ran’s soul is floating out : “It’s alright, not as young as you…”

The corner of the Founder’s mouth curved. He left while humming a song.

Word count : 2608


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9 thoughts on “魔教卧底每天都在露馅 / Evil Cult Undercover 02”

  1. 卧槽笑死人了 its literally 12.48 am and I’m laughing to myself with my whole family asleep.
    I laughed so hard my ribs are hitting my lungs

  2. OMG.. I was having a restless day and feeling down.. This chapter just cracked me up!! Thank you for translating and sharing this story with us!

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